Judy Gold

“Growing up in New Jersey, bat mitzvas were all about the elegant parties.”

“Halloween is an opportunity to be really creative.”

“I'm not sure when exactly I knew I was funny, but I always knew I was different. I never had an 'edit' button and would say whatever came into my head. Most of the time, what came out of my mouth was the very thing everyone else was thinking - but too polite or afraid to verbalize.”

“There is no reason to be ashamed of who you are.”

“If you're going to hit a car, try to be sure that it's not a cop car”

“My mother loves it when I talk about her. Half the time, I think she says things that she knows will go straight into the act.”

“The first time I did stand-up was on a dare.”

“Some people use stand-up to get something else in their careers, but it's truly the art form of stand-up I love.”

“Remember the phrase - 'Act your age, not your shoe size?' That didn't apply to me, as they were the same until the age of 12 when my feet stopped growing.”

“Many comics stay in one city and develop their acts for that particular audience.”

“I didn't want to be known as a gay comic, but as a comic who happens to be gay.”

“It's fun to be someone else.”

“I like being able to donate my comedy to charity. I'm not a billionaire, and I can't write checks.”

“I've gotten resistance for my entire career.”

“My two sons are the biggest pigs - always dirty, sweaty, burping and farting.”

“When I was a kid, I'd read about celebrities who didn't want to talk to their fans after a show. I told myself, 'That's terrible, and I would never do that.'”

“Mother humor is such a universal theme. I wrote a show called '25 Questions for a Jewish Mother.' I had people coming up to me after the show saying, 'I'm Baptist, and my mother is just like yours.'”

“We all know showbiz isn't easy, but being a comic - especially being a female comic - can be quite punishing.”

“Female comics cannot dress provocatively on stage.”

“People always think you have a lot of money when they see you on TV.”