Josh Billings

“The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord that it ain't gout.”

“Genius ain't anything more than elegant common sense.”

“There are two kinds of fools: those who can't change their opinions and those who won't.”

“There are two things in life for which we are never truly prepared: twins.”

“Life is short, but it's long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined.”

“A good way I know to find happiness, is to not bore a hole to fit the plug.”

“About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.”

“Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one place.”

“Words are often seen hunting for an idea, but ideas are never seen hunting for words.”

“One of the rarest things that a man ever does, is to do the best he can.”

“Remember the poor, it costs nothing.”

“To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while.”

“Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.”

“Old maids sweeten their tea with scandal.”

“Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel.”

“It is better to know nothing than to know what ain't so.”

“Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done.”

“Learning sleeps and snores in libraries, but wisdom is everywhere, wide awake, on tiptoe.”

“A puppy plays with every pup he meets, but an old dog has few associates.”

“Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn't be any fun living in it, or profit.”