José Mourinho

“Sometimes you see beautiful people with no brains. Sometimes you have ugly people who are intelligent, like scientists. Our pitch is a bit like that. From the top it's a disgrace but the ball rolls at normal speed.”

“The style of how we play is very important. But it is omelettes and eggs. No eggs - no omelettes! It depends on the quality of the eggs. In the supermarket you have class one, two or class three eggs and some are more expensive than others and some give you better omelettes. So when the class one eggs are in Waitrose and you cannot go there, you have a problem.”

“Young players are a little bit like melons. Only when you open and taste the melon are you 100% sure that the melon is good.”

“It's like having a blanket that is too small for the bed. You pull the blanket up to keep your chest warm and your feet stick out. I cannot buy a bigger blanket because the supermarket is closed. But the blanket is made of cashmere! [During a Chelsea injury crisis].”

“As we say in Portugal, they brought the bus and they left the bus in front of the goal.”

“It will be the strongest Champions League ever. Every shark will be there.”

“I would say if all the names you wrote in the last few days are correct we would have a 50-player squad and I hate to work with big squads.”

“I think he is one of these people who is a voyeur. He likes to watch other people. There are some guys who, when they are at home, have a big telescope to see what happens in other families. He speaks, speaks, speaks about Chelsea. [about Arsene Wenger]”

“If they made a film of my life, I think they should get George Clooney to play me. He's a fantastic actor and my wife thinks he would be ideal.”

“Did you read any philosopher? Or in your formation did you never spend time reading, for example, Hegel? As an example, Hegel says, ‘The truth is in the whole’, it’s always in the whole that you find the truth. [Having declared himself still one of the greatest managers in the world, Mourinho was asked if he could still lay claim to that title if he did not win the Premier League with United.]”

“I prefer not to speak. If I speak, I am in big trouble. In big trouble. And I don't want to be in big trouble.”

“I read something, some quote from the worst manager in the history of the Premier League – Frank de Boer. What he was saying was not good for Marcus Rashford to have a coach like me, because the most important thing for me is to win. If he was coached by Frank he would lose because he lost every game. I try to give the best to the kid.”

“We would have only lost if there were six Inter players left on the pitch.”

“He must really think I'm a great guy. He must think that, because otherwise He would not have given me so much. I have a great family. I work in a place where I've always dreamt of working. He has helped me out so much that He must have a very high opinion of me. [When asked by the Spanish radio network Cope what he believed God thought about him].”

“It is clear that I will end my career without having coached Barça.”

“Luis Fernández has made this shock [defeat of Barcelona] a war of dogs. I only talk about men, not of rude children.”

“I am no longer Chelsea coach and I do not have to defend them any more, so I think it is correct if I say Drogba is a diver.”

“For me, pressure is bird flu. I'm feeling a lot of pressure with the problem in Scotland. It's not fun and I'm more scared of it than football.”

“I understand why he [Alex Ferguson] is a bit emotional. He has some top players in the world and they should be doing a lot better than that... You would be sad if your team gets as clearly dominated by opponents who have been built on 10% of the budget.”

“I told Mr Ferguson that United didn't deserve to leave Stamford Bridge with nothing.”