Joey Adams

“Rockefeller once explained the secret of success. 'Get up early, work late - and strike oil.'”

“Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.”

“If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all.”

“A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.”

“The difference between playing the stock market and the horses is that one of the horses must win.”

“If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business.”

“Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.”

“Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.”

“People are still willing to do an honest day's work. The trouble is they want a week's pay for it.”