Joe E. Lewis

“If you want to make a dangerous man your friend, let him do you a favor.”

“A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.”

“I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.”

“Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people.”

“I drink to forget I drink.”

“Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say I'm thirsty, not dirty.”

“I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.”

“It pays to get drunk with the best people.”

“I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.”

“You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.”

“There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.”

“The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.”

“Show me a man with very little money and I will show you a bum.”

“Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on.”

“I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.”

“They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses.”

“Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest.”

“It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got money.”

“I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin.”

“We can afford almost any mistake once.”