Jim Norton

“Don Lemon is one of my favorites. I love him.”

“I figure I do a lot of things, none of them particularly well.”

“I think what's happening is that women are allowed to be funnier as we stop pretending that there are subjects that they shouldn't address.”

“It's really the old question: Does art inspire life or does life inspire art? Maybe it's a combination of both. But Trump represented something. He didn't create what we are. He comes from what we are. And he's a representative of what we are, whether we like it or not. He's just not our better nature.”

“Well, audiences will laugh at a lot of things that comedians won't.”

“I don't watch too much television because I want to write something, and you never want to be influenced by other things that are on - and if they're really funny it'll just depress me because it's something I'm not a part of.”

“I love Philly so much. I know that at any time, any place, a fight can break out. Those are great comedy fans.”

“I got a GED when I was 21 and it doesn't mean anything to me now. I'm still a high school dropout and I like the fact that I've had a good life without that.”

“I never expect anything. The more good things that happen the better, but I never expect anything.”

“I find when most people are offended, it's phony. It's an attention-seeking device. So I love to call them out on it from stage.”

“I'm afraid if I start to enjoy life, the rug will be yanked out from beneath me.”

“Ozzy Osbourne is one of my favorite interviews, he's so good.”

“Trevor Noah is a great, relevant young comic, and Comedy Central is smart to stand by him.”

“I don't think any comedy is ever shocking. I don't buy that. That's just what people brand it, when someone is saying something they don't like.”

“It's really hard to truly want people who you hate to have the right to say whatever they want. And we all disguise the ugly self-centeredness of it.”

“No matter how many books I've sold, nothing can correct the fact I look like Alfred Hitchcock from the side.”

“Anything you can do that's self-destructive in Vegas, whatever that is, I do it.”

“I get bored really fast.”

“If I'm gonna make fun of Trump, I'm gonna tell you things that I've done that are similar. I like to tell on myself, as well as make fun of the people I'm talking about. I feel like it gives me more of a right to make fun of them if I am talking about myself, too. It's more fun for me that way, honestly.”

“I never care if the audience groans.”