Jason Jones

“As long as Fox News continues to exist, you've got comedy.”

“I have a very short attention span, so books have never been my thing.”

“The Holiday Inn Express brand is known for great service, comfortable beds, all-you-can-eat ice from machines at every hotel, so I was pretty excited when they asked me to be a part of their Smart Thinking Platform.”

“People are forgetting how crazy President 43 was.”

“Even at its height, 'The Daily Show' would do one great show a week, one pretty good show a week, and then two 'meh' ones. It was filler.”

“Everything that I write about is a kernel of something that probably happened to me or one of my writers that I've co-opted and made it seem like it's mine.”

“Fletcher Jones, is that not a quarterback's name? My kid is going to be a quarterback for the Hamilton Tiger Cats one day.”

“Kids are appendages on so many family sitcoms. They'll come in, they'll make half a joke, and then they're like, 'OK, gotta go to school,' or 'I'm going to my room.' And then you never see them again.”

“Real life doesn't exist on a network television comedy. They just don't let you travel down any road that is presumably 'dark.'”