Jack Handy

“If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.”

“Sometimes I think the world has gone completely mad. And then I think, "Aw, who cares?" And then I think, "Hey, what's for supper?”

“If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that's another weakness.”