J.C. McKenzie

“Ever notice "demon" in the word pandemonium?”

“Do you have a formal gown to wear?'I made a face.'Of course not.''What size are you?''Size awesome.'He gave me a blank stare.He didn't get it”

“I meant to text quickly, but it took five attempts to type with my thumbs. Ever since the time I accidently told Wick I'd stopped for cocaine instead of coffee and when Mel, my best friend, asked me to get a penis instead of a penis I lost my faith in technology and proofread all my messages”

“As soon as I stepped onto the train, I knew why Shifters and Weres shunned the contraptions like E.coli avoided antibacterial agents on a petri dish. It smelled. Badly. A putrid mix of old man, sweaty socks, and cigarettes. My nose hairs didn't shrivel; they curled into the fetal position before they withered and died, leaving my nasal passage a dry, barren wasteland no longer capable of being harmed by the olfactory assault.”

“I have about as much artistic talent as a cluster of colour-blind hedgehogs in a bag.”