Henry Beard

“Latin proverbs#Mock Latin”

“Harvard Lampoon”

“Taedium pellucidorum. An eye condition that keeps you from looking at people's slides.”

“Futue te ipsum et caballum tuum. Claim it means: I've really got to take my hat off to you. What it really means: Fuck you and the horse you rode in on.”

“Stercorem pro cerebro habes. Claim it means: That's certainly food for thought. What it really means: You have shit for brains.”

“Podex perfectus es. Claim it means: You did a terrific job. What it really means: You are a total asshole.”

“Having done these things, they made the sacrifices prescribed by custom lest they be found lacking in filial piety.”

“Quantum illae stolae pependisti? You paid how much for that dress?”

“Utinam logica falsa tuam philosophiam totam suffodiant! May faulty logic undermine your entire philosophy!”

“Nullae satisfactionis potiri non possum. I can't get no satisfaction.”

“Canis meus id comedit. My dog ate it.”

“Sentio aliquos togatos contra me conspirare. I think some people in togas are plotting against me.”

“Lege atque lacrima. Read-em and weep.”

“Anates tuas in acie instrue. Get your ducks in a row.”

“Si fractum non sit, noli id reficere. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.”

“Si hoc adfixum in obice legere potes, et liberaliter educatus et nimis popinquus ades. If you can read this bumper sticker, you are both very well educated and much too close.”

“Si hoc signum legere potes, operis boni in rebus Latinis alacribus et fructuosis potiri potes! If you can read this sign, you can get a good job in the fast-paced, high-paying world of Latin!”

“Perennial: Any plant which, had it lived, would have bloomed year after year.”