Greg Davies

“I got to the stage where I physically couldn't carry on unless I gave comedy a go: it was necessity.”

“Anything my dad says about what I say about him, I can remind him of ten examples where he publicly humiliated me. We're really close. The culture of mickey-taking is well established in my family.”

“As soon as I get the chance, I'll be back spouting nonsense on the microphone.”

“One day I woke up, had an early mid-life crisis, and decided it all had to change. I went and did Logan Murray's comedy course for 11 weeks and then started sneakily doing open-spot gigs, and that was it.”

“My greatest weakness is... food. If it looks like it's going to taste nice, it goes in my face - simple as that.”

“Carla Lane's 'Butterflies' seemed to be on in our house at all times when I was a kid, as did 'The Good Life.' But it was 'Fawlty Towers that made me really sit up for the first time. Basil's incandescent rage made me howl.”

“In my 20s and early 30s, I was very much a man lost at sea, with very little direction in life, and painfully immature.”

“I don't know why comedians moan about touring; you get driven to a town, stay in a hotel, work for an hour and a half with nice people, and eat fatty service station food. There's nothing not to like.”

“I once bought some enormous fireworks that were literally the size of sticks of dynamite. We would go into the field behind our house, slide them into the biggest cow pats we could find, and blow them sky high. It was exhilarating and, for the cows, incredibly confusing.”

“As a young ma,n I was an absolute idiot. I think my exes would say I was a likeable baby. I had a teenager's bedroom when I was 32.”

“I was scarred in 1977 by watching Jaws, and I've never got over it.”

“I've politely declined a few reality-type things but generally have been asked to do things that I'd enjoy. I'll be doing less in the new year so I can get some writing done.”

“The most expensive thing I've ever splashed out on is... a tailor-made suit. It cost £1,400, and it's the best money I ever spent. It's a miracle thing - I put it on, and I don't look overweight.”

“Me and my sister made up a game called 'Milky Cow'. We were on holiday in France when I was 12, and there was a kid who had bovine features, and every time we went past her, we'd say, 'There's Milky Cow'.”

“Comedy brings out this rage in people: they get furious when they don't like something. I have some lovely hardcore fans.”

“I've never disguised the fact that I wasn't happy in teaching. But the reason was that I wanted to do comedy. I would have been a very unhappy security guard or a very unhappy greengrocer.”

“I think the main thing I'd bring to Chewbacca is middle-aged spread. Chewbacca has looked after himself.”

“The only difference between a comedian and someone else? We need to make people laugh more.”

“I'm really not comfortable talking about my personal life.”

“I don't watch an awful lot of television. It's a very strange thing, and I don't know a lot of people who work in telly who watch a lot of it.”