Greg Behrendt

“Most authors writing books like 'He's Just Not That Into You' dream of doing what I was being asked to do. I didn't like it. I'm good at giving advice, but doing it on TV and radio felt wrong, and when people resisted my point of view, I was like, 'Why am I doing this? This was not the plan.' So I stopped. It didn't make me feel good.”

“When it comes to men, deal with them as they are, not how you’d like them to be.”

“This life is yours and no one else's, and if you spend your time looking at other people's pages, you'll never get anything done.”

“I was always funny, but I wasn't a great musician, and I wanted to be a musician way more than I wanted to be a comic. I just didn't think comedians were cool when I was a kid.”

“Busy' is another word for 'asshole'. 'Asshole' is another word for the guy you're dating.”

“He doesn’t have to love your CD collection. He doesn’t have to love your shoes. But any good, mature guy better make an attempt to love your friends and family—especially when they’re great.”

“I'm about to make a wild, extreme and severe relationship rule: the word busy is a load of crap and is most often used by assholes. The word "busy" is the relationship Weapon of Mass Destruction. It seems like a good excuse, but in fact in every silo you uncover, all you're going to find is a man who didn't care enough to call. Remember men are never to busy to get what they want.”

“First of all, never buy a man a plasma TV until you're married. A lot of men once they have a plasma TV they don't need a girlfriend”

“I love astute observations and really great wordplay. I love the way that Louis C.K. observes life, and I love the way Patton Oswalt talks about it.”

“We were raised to pursue women... Most of the guys I know enjoy the pursuit. But that doesn't mean women should be wallflowers.”

“Most comics worship music on some level. It's more rock-n-roll to get up there for an hour and make people laugh.”

“Social media is a really cool way to tell your story to people who are interested in hearing it. It's not getting put through the filter of a television executive who's decided you're too old to justify the expenditure.”

“Part of being a comedian is that it's your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities.”

“We (men) would rather lose an arm out a city bus window than tell you simply, “You’re not theone.” We are quite sure you will kill us or yourself or both—or even worse, cry and yell at us.”

“I do think that you can dress yourself out of a problem. The way that a haircut and a new pair of pants can make you feel is better than any therapist, because when you look in the mirror, you see a different person - you are a different person. It's superficial change that can lead to real change.”

“..he may love you, he may miss you, but ultimately he's just not that into you.”

“Cheaters never prosper. (Because they suck.)”

“If he’s not calling you, it’s because you are not on his mind. If he creates expectations for you, and then doesn’t follow through on little things, he will do same for big things. Be aware of this and realize that he’s okay with disappointing you. Don’t be with someone who doesn’t do what they say they’re going to do. If he’s choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn’t respect your feelings and needs. “Busy” is another word for “asshole.” “Asshole” is another word for the guy you’re dating. You deserve a fcking phone call.”