Graham Norton

“Some people think they're depressed and they go to the doctor and want pills. And you just think: 'You hate where you live, you've lost your job, your boyfriend has dumped you, could all this be why you're depressed?'”

“If it was possible for me to adopt, I probably would, but no one's going to let me adopt.”

“I've heard other gay people say when they were growing up they felt 'foreign.' Growing up, I was able to label these feelings as: 'I'm a Protestant.' It wasn't until I left, I thought: 'Oh, those weren't Protestant feelings.'”

“My parents grew up working class, but in that way that working class families do, they spent a fortune on education to better me.”

“I've so exceeded what I ever wanted to do.”

“I don't think anyone wants to be gay.”

“Occasionally the state of the planet can knock me off my perky perch.”

“I always say I'd rather be miserable by myself than unhappy in a relationship.”

“I spent a long time working in restaurants and making no money. It was very character-building, but I think it could have been built in a shorter time.”

“All these people I interview are worth ten times what I'm worth.”

“I don't think you should have to try to be nice, I think most people are nice. I think being cheerful and nice is just a politeness.”

“Straight men just can't imagine the bliss of being in a relationship with someone who finds farting as funny as they do.”

“I bet Maurice Gibb's heart monitor was singing the tune of Stayin' Alive.”

“My life could have been so grim... really, really grim.”

“I'm often dating people, but I don't say it because you sort of know it won't last long.”

“I was a failed actor but I still wanted to show off, so I ended up doing live comedy.”

“I do get pleasure from very inconsequential things, like shopping for clothes.”

“I am really bad at actually interviewing people.”

“The only people who are desperate to go on the show are people we're desperate not to have on the show.”

“All my day is spent dealing with other people. When I come home I like it to be empty. The presence of others in my house kind of annoys me. I love coming home and shutting the doors. I feel brain dead. I'm relatively available, but not to live with.”