Gene Weingarten

“The whole point of corporate mascots is to be distinctive. No one in his right mind would ever confuse the Hamburglar with Mayor McCheese.”

“For $60, I once bought a neck massage at a 'massage parlor' that advertised in 'The Washington Post.'”

“While it is true that many hep C victims became infected through blood transfusions or organ transplants or in other innocent ways, mine was contracted during my college years, when I showed as much care for my personal health as your average suicide bomber.”

“When you are interviewing someone, don't just write down what he says. Ask yourself: Does this guy remind you of someone? What does the room feel like? Notice smells, voice inflection, neighborhoods you pass through. Be a cinematographer.”

“When she was too young to resist, or even to understand, I turned my daughter into a lifelong, rabid Yankees fan.”

“I am the most skilled parallel parker the world has ever known.”

“The Pulitzer is a crapshoot. Your piece has to hit a few people the right way at the right moment.”

“I have two favorites: Reading Kierkegaard while listening to Mozart's Piano Concerto 9 in E Flat Major, and reading early Bazooka Joe comics in Hebrew.”

“Sometimes, homely things are done for the best reasons in the world and thus achieve a beauty of their own.”

“I felt like I was never going to be a great writer. I felt like I was going to be a good writer at best. I wanted to be great at something.”

“Because I live and work in Washington, D.C., I have a ringside seat at the world capital of The Persuasive Arts, or, as I like to call it, The Opinions Racket.”

“Let’s put to rest one cliché. You can sell refrigerators to Eskimos. The people of Savoonga are Yupiks, the westernmost of the Eskimo tribes, closer to Siberians than American Eskimos in their appearance, and their customs, and their distinctive, liquidly sibilant native language. And, yes, they all have refrigerators. In the winter, food gets freezer burn if left out in the elements. Eskimos need refrigerators to keep their food warm.”