Gary Chapman

“The fastest way to have a loving, supportive, understanding spouse is to become a loving, supportive, understanding spouse.”

“You need to listen to your friends when they point out things about the person you're in love with. Listen to them, because they see what you can't see right now, but you'll see it later.”

“I would encourage you to make your own investigation of the one whom, as He died, prayed for those who killed Him: 'Father forgive them for they know not what they do.' That is love's ultimate expression.”

“I wish I'd known that apologizing is a sign of strength. I had the impression that if you apologize, it's a sign of weakness. I kind of picked up the message from my father, 'Real men don't apologize. You just do your best, and if you happen to hurt some people, that's their fault. You just go on. Don't apologize. That's a sign of weakness.'”

“If we can develop the character and work with God, then let him develop the character of Christ in us, we're going to become the best possible husband, the best possible wife.”

“You are the gatekeeper of your child’s mental diet.”

“Sex was invented by God.”

“I think people desperately want to feel love.”

“Often we fail to consider the fact that our social, spiritual, and intellectual interests are miles apart. Our value systems and goals are contradictory, but we are in love.”

“If you want to improve a relationship, it's not that you demand your spouse to change. You have to ask, 'Where did I fail in this relationship?'”

“One of the things I say is, 'You cannot control your spouse, but you can influence your spouse.' And one of the ways to influence your spouse is to make sure you are meeting their need for love.”

“That is the idea that good Christians don't talk about sex, at least not out loud, and certainly not in the church. I want to say that both of those ideas are fallacious.”

“Encouragement requires empathy and seeing the world from your spouse's perspective. We must first learn what is important to our spouse. Only then can we give encouragement. With verbal encouragement, we are trying to communicate, "I know. I care. I am with you. How can I help?" We are trying to show that we believe in him and in his abilities. We are giving credit and praise.”

“Love doesn't erase the past, but it makes the future different.”

“People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need.”

“As a senior in high school, I had a strong sense that God wanted me in some kind of ministry.”

“I thought the whole thing was you fall in love with somebody, and it's so wonderful, and it's so euphoric, and it's going to be that way forever. Nobody told me that two years after you fall in love, you're going to come down off the euphoria.”

“I remember, in the early days of my marriage, I thought I married the wrong person. We held to our own ideas of what the other should be and do, but neither of us lived up to those expectations.”

“Typically, we get annoyed when our spouses complain. We get defensive. But, really, when your spouse complains, he or she is giving you wonderful information about what would make him or her feel loved.”

“What we do for each other before marriage is no indication of what we will do after marriage.”