Emily V. Gordon

“Betrayal can be extremely painful, but it's up to you how much that pain damages you permanently.”

“We all have an idea of how we like to be treated that we would like others to adhere to, and somehow we've gotten in our heads that the perfect person for us will just know what this code of behavior is.”

“Awkward conversations are painful, but they're way easier than divorce, resentment, and heartbreak.”

“Sacrificing your relationship for your career sounds noble and romantic from the outside, but the reality is that it can create a pattern of self-destruction that will ultimately burn you out on the career you've worked so hard to build. It's a trap and, for some, an easy way out of having to maintain relationships under stress.”

“I remember being a teenager and feeling like I could talk to anyone anywhere about anything.”

“As any daytime judge show can tell you, spending someone's money or taking their stuff because they hurt your feelings is not justified.”

“Women compete, compare, undermine, and undercut one another - at least, that is the prevailing notion of how we interact.”

“A lot of people end up getting married more out of expectation than out of passion for each other, but if your options have ever been, 'We either get married or break up,' be careful. Marriage should be a new addition you add to the house that is your relationship, not the structure you impose on the house once it's already built.”

“No matter how you handle alcohol at your wedding, you will most likely be upsetting someone.”

“A lot of new stepparents fall into the trap of letting children disobey household expectations in order to gain favor with them.”

“When I was young and less wise, I thought that being a feminist meant being independent. It meant not sacrificing your needs for anyone else's and not relying on anyone else for even a smidgen of your happiness or well being.”

“Ghosts of Marriages Past can haunt many aspects of a new relationship - your expectations of what a man should do, how you behave in conflict, your ideas of how commitment should look - they can even make your new man look untrustworthy when he's really behaving normally.”

“In my experience as a therapist and as a friend, it seems that the majority of the breakup resources available are for women and not men. Women, who tend to be more vocal about their emotional struggles, are the squeaky wheel that gets the grease from friends, from online communities, from books, and from therapeutic approaches.”

“In high school, I decided that all of my female friends were stupid and traded them for guy friends. I loved horror movies and heavy metal and used these interests to become a 'guys' girl.'”

“Sometimes, I hate-watch television.”

“Men - not all men but a good majority of the ones I have known and worked with - tend to think of difficult situations in their lives as problems that need to be solved.”

“Marriage, or any committed partnership, has become sacred to me, powerful and fragile all at the same time.”

“The period that directly follows the dissolution of a long term relationship is extremely volatile, with emotions running the gamut from misery to elation to relief to terror.”

“I'd watch shows like 'The Kids in the Hall' or 'Twin Peaks,' and I'd see weird people being celebrated and appreciated without compromising their weirdness. On 'The Facts of Life,' I'd see girls who were pudgy, beautiful, popular, tomboyish - many ways of being female - and I'd feel quietly reassured.”