Elle Lothlorien

“Alice, I am the game, and trust me: you don’t want to play me.”

“You know what Munny said to me, right before we left? She said, ‘Watching someone die is hard work. Go to Australia and watch Faye fall in love with some dude named Rabbit. That should be fun.”

“Are you saying that you need an attorney? For what? As far as I know, being a dick isn’t against the law in any country.”

“Uh-oh, I hope he doesn’t start rattling off dirty limericks next; she’ll probably burn the hotel down.”

“I don’t know what this is for anyway. I mean, let me tell you what I’m never going to say to any human being, ever: ‘I had hunting season off-suit in the pocket, but I've had kicker trouble with that hand often enough to fold it.”

“Congratulations, Mousey, you’ve managed to insult every marsupial in the country in just under three kilometers.”

“Just keep it simple, Alice Faye. Remember how you taught yourself. Nothing’s different just because you’re on a yacht, or wearing a fancy dress. Or because you appear to have dropped acid and are now in the mirror room at the fun house.”

“Oh, yeah, that goatee is really unattractive. That definitely belongs on a much fatter man.”

“Speaking of your eyeballs, dear brother,I overheard some girls talking about you in the restroom at the tournament hotel. Apparently rumor now has it that you won’t allow anyone to see your eyes—ever. In fact, according to this knowledgeable source, you even sleep and shower with your glasses on in case someone unexpectedly walks in...one of them said she’d seen your eyes for herself two years ago and could only describe them as 'ferocious and roving,’ and ‘burning white-hot with a primal, raw wildness.”

“Pretty great view. You think they’d do something about the sharks.”

“I think it should be obvious by now that I’m not necessarily interested in reality.”

“Well, I think I speak for everyone when I say that 'Alice Faye picked a peck of pepper for the poor, piping pig in the purple poke.' Wait—is that not what we’re talking about here?”

“Let’s put it this way: you know how we always told you that all those years of tormenting four sisters turned you into a closet sadist? Well, if you ever decide that being a lawyer isn’t bringing you the kind of gratification you were hoping for, then I think I found the perfect job for you.”

“Do you ever answer anything in a way that people expect you to?”

“Don’t make me Alice-nap you, Alice. Because you know I can carry you.”

“Oh, and Mr. Montgomery? I think I counted about four dozen important-sounding words and almost no substance at all in that explanation. I don’t think you should close the door on your diplomatic career entirely.”

“Okay then, I suppose you get a pass on poker intimidation for the glasses, little brother. But everyone else is wearing them at the tables too, and they’re all just sitting there, looking all serious, like they’re birthing the Grand Theory of Everything.”

“No thanks…Dodo, was it? I don’t know if I can watch you have performance problems twice in ten days.”

“Faye, if you got eaten by another shark, would you please at least have the decency to say so? My time is kind of limited, if you know what I’m sayin’.”

“Don’t worry, little bunny, we only use our triplet telepathic powers for good.”