Dylan Moran

“I suppose the best comedy shows do have the rock n' roll feeling - if it's a great night, and the roof is raised... yeah, it's a similar feeling, sure.”

“We are both drawn to surreal situations so the writing was a joy.”

“He looks like a horse in a man costume!”

“I wanted to show off - a simple impulse or drive; in much the same way as some kids wanted to play football, I wanted to show off. Not complicated in that sense, very natural; it just depends on how you want to show off.”

“Children are the most honest critics. They will say 'You're funny', but also 'You're pathetic - go away.'”

“And I'm not saying it's a bad song, you know, or anything like that. All I'm saying is that if you get, I don't know, a broom, say, and dip it in some brake fluid, put the other end up my arse, stick me on a trampoline in a moving lift, and I would write a better song on the walls. That's all I'm saying.”

“I was very into New Order, Joy Division, all of that when I was younger. I had a lot of bootlegs that I saved up my pocket money to buy. I had all the obscure early EPs.”

“I enjoy performing, always, but when you're taping a gig, you've got to blank out this mass apparatus of self-consciousness that's surrounding you, this invitation to drown in self-consciousness. Otherwise you just won't be able to do anything.”

“I think that women just have a primeval instinct to make soup, which they will try to foist on anybody who looks like a likely candidate.”

“Maybe this is just me, but as time goes by, I'm more bewildered by modernity. It gets more unfathomable with every passing year.”

“I'm organised in some ways, but not in others.”

“I'm not drunk onstage, although I've done that a couple of times when I was younger. It's partly just the way I talk - I talk like somebody in a rocking chair. I'm your 150-year-old grandmother.”

“People will kill you over time, and how they'll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases, like 'be realistic.'”

“America is this incredible mosaic of immigrants, so people really want to be anchored in some kind of culture as well as the one they are living in.”

“Home gigs can be hard because it's an odd collision. More than anything, I feel self-conscious when my family are in the audience. I'm doing this job which is not quite acting - part of it is me, part performance. You're presenting a cartoon of yourself to people who know you as a line-drawing.”

“I'm delighted to make as many people feel ashamed as possible. There's probably a site like that for everybody. I've heard Newt Gingrich has his own as well.”

“Irish people give big hellos and very little goodbyes. Unless they're female, and then they spend five hours talking in the doorway to the person that's leaving their house.”