A biography for Dick Cavetthasn’t been written yet.
“Electronic devices dislike me. There is never a day when something isn't ailing.”
“Commercials are not the only exposure that obesity gets on TV. It is by no means a rarity on the wonderful Judge Judy's show when both plaintiff and accused all but literally fill the screen.”
“I don't see the future as bright, language-wise. I see it as a glass half empty - and evaporating quickly.”
“If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you.”
“I have a long list of things that make me mad.”
“Greatly talented performers don't know - often spectacularly - what's best for them, don't know what their talents really are, and don't know what's just plain wrong for them.”
“Comedians are sometimes resentful of their writers. Probably because it's hard for giant egos to admit you need anyone but yourself to be what you are.”
“I don't think anyone ever gets over the surprise of how differently one audience's reaction is from another.”
“Show people tend to treat their finances like their dentistry. They assume the man handling it knows what he is doing.”
“I confess, I do have to remind myself almost daily that there are people on this earth capable of reading, writing, eating and dressing themselves who believe their lives are ruled from billions of miles away, by the stars - and, of course, the planets.”
“Does anything show the complexity of the miraculous brain more than that weird curiosity, the sleep-protection dream?”
“Censorship feeds the dirty mind more than the four-letter word itself.”
“Every time someone says, 'You know, we really ought to get together,' if I were really honest, I would ask 'Why?'”
“Every so often, there is an article saying the old kind of talk show isn't possible now. In the oldest kind of talk show, you only had the choice of that or two other channels!”
“Meryl Streep belongs on anybody's list of greats.”
“Obviously those who burn to be professional jesters mean that they want to be successful comedians. And those are always an elite, microscopic portion of the population. But oh, how they try.”
“As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.”
“Nobody is going to try to confiscate guns, although some Web sites know better: President Obama, they are certain, wants to.”
“Every student of comedy should see Dame Edna at least twice.”
“I feel like I've been watching Irwin Corey forever. I saw him in the 1950s, and I thought he was old then.”