David W. Earle

“Life is a learning experience and this is a very peaceful method of accepting the reality you face…”What will I learn?”

“The greater the pain associated with love, the more likely a person is to be attracted to others who will inflict this pain…for isn’t this what love is? Hurt people tend to hurt other people.”

“Making amends is not only saying the words but also being willing to listen to how your behavior caused another’s pain, and then the really hard part…changing behavior.”

“When we leave this life, we only get to take two things: the love we received and the lessons we learned.”

“Boundaries represent awareness, knowing what the limits are and then respecting those limits.”

“Black and white thinking limits understanding and feedback, two necessary ingredients for successful resolution in creative conflict and successful understanding.”

“The strange part about a person’s lack of trust is that it often comes from not trusting themselves.”

“Chaos limits the free-flow of love and becomes a roadblock to what family members want most and sadly, it becomes the normal for the family.”

“Rigid traditions capture soulsprisons of spiritual thoughtman’s religion has captured a god grown too small and very weak.”

“Being real is being true to you.”

“When one person attempts to “fix it” for the other person, the connection of acceptance is snapped and the sender and receiver miss an opportunity for understanding.”

“It is very difficult to develop a proper sense of self-esteem in a dysfunctional family. Having very little self-worth, looking at one’s own character defects becomes so overwhelming there is no room for inward focus. People so afflicted think: “I need to keep you from knowing me. I have already rejected me, but if you knew how flawed I am, you would also reject me…and since this is all I have, I could not stand any more rejection. I am not worthy of someone understanding me so you will not get the chance...so I must judge, reject, attack, and/or find fault with you. I don’t accept me so how can I accept you?”

“Mature adults gravitate toward new values and understandings, not just rehashing and blind acceptance of past patterns and previous learning. This is an ongoing process and maturity demands lifelong learners.”

“It is one thing to know about your dysfunctional habits but quite another to change them.”

“As a parent who raised his children in dysfunction, I know the parental wounds my children received were not intentional; often they were my best expression of love, sometimes coming out sideways, not as I intended.”

“If you are looking for love under rocks or bringing home water moccasins, you might be confusing love and pain.”

“Others hide from being real by filling the air with words; the more words they throw out, the less actual communication happens and they are left with only an illusion of connection. This is the intimacy they so ardently seek but with these coping skills find so elusive.”

“Change will not successfully happen unless the emotional component is solved.”

“Other people feel love when we listen without judging and accept them without demanding change. We all desperately require these basic needs. When we can do this for another, we are indeed that person’s angel.”

“You did not invent these family habits. Your family is like mine, for thousands and thousands of years our families have embraced a dysfunctional lifestyle, passing these habits as gospel on to subsequent generations. This was not done out of malice, spite, or hate, but what they knew best. As ineffective as these habits are, you never stopped to consider another way of loving.”