David Feherty

“I am sorry Nick Faldo couldn't be here this week. He is attending the birth of his next wife.”

“People have accused me of being so far up Tiger's arse that he can barely make a full swing, but I maintain that he is a special person.”

“He's got a touch of a gay florist.”

“My first wife was a great housekeeper. She kept both houses.”

“Which looks like a mixture of lacrosse and second-degree manslaughter.”