Daven Anderson

“You can't do that, it makes too much sense.”

“When you f*** a Vampire, you get a free hat.”

“Consider this a one-thousand horsepower divorce, sweetheart”

“If we adopted Jack," I quip, "we'd have to give him combat pay for an allowance”

“You don't get to be the president of anything if you have bad manners.”

“How come they get to be gray-haired and still in love with each other, while Lilly tears out what's left of my heart and dumps it into her Jill-The-Ripper shredder?”