Dane Cook

“I'm shooting a pilot based on my show. It's a one-camera show. I play myself.”

“I love hecklers. They remind you that you are a comedian.”

“I don't have to do anything for anyone else's benefit anymore. I just want to exceed my own expectations.”

“You've gotta share what's going on in your mind.”

“I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.”

“If haters or whatever want to find you - I mean, some of them are so tenacious. You want to hire them to work for you. They're very, very savvy in terms of how they find you and get to you.”

“I did stand-up comedy for seventeen years. I need to explore other things.”

“I do try to keep my show very improvisational. I don't work off a set list; I like to keep it more in the moment. I like to have information about where I'm going, what might be happening in that particular region as well. I like for people to feel like the show is for them.”

“I believe in people getting what's coming to them but don't hold grudges either. We all hurt people, fail & hopefully grow from adversity. Basically, eat shit & thrive”

“In school I was pretty quiet. Kinda shy until my junior year. But at home I was a freak.”

“When you are doing stand-up comedy, you are the writer, producer, director, sometimes bouncer.”

“I say it with my tongue firmly planted in cheek but there's truth to it - being a comedian is very close to being a therapist. When you're working smaller clubs, you're listening. You're feeling an energy, you're going with a tone but when people start yelling out, you almost start a conversation with people.”

“Here's the thing about Red Sox fans, or actually just fans from that region, in general: they appreciate the effort. And if you mail it in or if you give 80 percent, even with a win, they'll let you know that's not how you do it. They want - if it's comedian, if it's a musician, bring us your best show.”

“When I'm looking for hot button answers to tough questions, I don't look to congressman or my mayor. I say, 'What would Miss U.S.A. have to say about this?'”

“I feel like the gods have certainly patted me on the head.”

“You have to learn the crowd. I just pay attention to them so I can make sure I can make them laugh.”

“That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it.”

“I get so into the moment.”

“As a comedian, I am obligated to tell you the truth, my truth. To share with you my beliefs, my perspective. And I think that we forget sometimes that that's the oath that comics take, that we will go up and share everything - the irreverent, the scary.”

“When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.”