Claudia Winkleman

“I'm not sure a pretty and stupid man might be the key to a happy relationship.”

“You've never met anyone who likes Christmas more than me. I go quite Liberace. My kids have all got stick-on antlers.”

“If you meet a girl who says: 'Darling, what do you mean? Of course I wear suspenders. I've worn them all my life. I think tights are for old people,' then know this: she's desperate to have kids, she wants you and her to live in the same house as her mum, she never wants to go out and she just wants to lie on your chest for the next 15 years.”

“I don't work very hard. I dye myself orange and I read out loud in the months from September to December when 'Strictly' is on.”

“I don't like anything too perfect, or anyone who looks like they have just stepped out of a salon; that's not for me.”

“The truth is that tights are just so cosy.”

“The only question a girl can ask herself when their husband chooses to see '27 Dresses' is this: What on earth has he done?”

“I prefer to stick to my old-lady goth/Steve Tyler look. I've found my look - white lipstick, black eyeliner, black clothes.”

“Hiring someone to look after your children is about the most important thing you will ever do in your life.”

“Weddings happen once. That's the point. They're a bluster of confetti and hope all wrapped up in sticky wedding cake and four-year-old girls in big dresses with massive bows.”

“There is no film on the face of this earth that is as blatant a girl's film as '27 Dresses.'”

“I still have to stand on a box to post a letter.”

“I really like Jon Snow in quite an unhealthy way - he's got a jaunty tie and a fast brain.”

“I don't want to be doing anything else, I just want to be with my family.”

“I used to spend hours reading the Sunday papers, but then I had 900 children so I don't any more.”

“If you asked 100 women on the street who they'd like to be, I'm sure most of them would say Kirsty Wark or Germaine Greer. Yawn. Do me a favour - they're lying.”

“Uggs are great.”

“I just don't 'get' pets.”

“My kids are the offspring of people who are doing reasonably well and live in the centre of London and the chances are they're going to turn out ghastly anyway. Who's to say they shouldn't have a walk-in wardrobe and possibly a stylist from the age of four?”

“I've never knowingly taken my make-up off. The stuff you see me in I first put on in the 70s.”