Chris McCausland

“I wanted to be cool - and I wasn't.”

“Trying to get an 11-year-old off an iPad is like trying to persuade somebody that they should give up a chocolate gateau so that they can lick a tomato instead.”

“I walked on stage once, and as soon as I mentioned that I was blind, somebody shouted out: 'We're behind you.'”

“I just love 'Planes, Trains, and Automobiles.'”

“I will never be on a level playing field with everyone else.”

“There is so much hype around Blackpool - and I get it. Blackpool is like the Wembley of ballroom dancing.”

“Strictly,' I thought, could actually be the best thing that I've ever done - possibly, maybe, well either that or three weeks that I'll never live down.”

“I will never discriminate against any sort of mince pie, all of them are equal to me and will no doubt meet the same undignified end as I try and fit it all in my mouth in one go.”

“The Couple's Choice is an opportunity to do something that reflects you on a personal level, and, as the first blind contestant on 'Strictly,' it made sense that I should reflect on my sight loss and try to open people's eyes a little to just what can be possible in the darkness.”

“I'm a slave to my iPhone like everybody else.”

“I'm terrible in the heat and terrified of flying.”

“I worked in a call centre for three-and-a-half years. I've tried to find something funny to include in my stand-up but I could never find anything. When the money's coming in it's amazing how it motivates you, but when it's a bit slow the mundanity of the job and the lack of respect people have for you phoning them gets to you.”

“Other comedians have more flexibility and more mental freedom. They can be loose with what they have written.”

“I never expected dancing to be emotional.”

“I knew pretty much nothing about how 'Strictly' worked when I entered into this show.”

“I don't mind being a bad dancer. I don't mind people laughing at me because I'm a comical dancer or a bad dancer, but I didn't want it to be a calamity because I can't see.”

“People go, 'Well, when did you go blind?' And it's very hard to say because when your eyesight deteriorates steadily, you stop being able to do different things at different stages.”

“I played my last game of football when I was about 17 when I ended up in hospital, because I went in a little harder on a challenge than I should have, not realising one of the players was so close to me. I could have easily broken his leg. He jumped out of the way and his knees went into my head and knocked me out.”

“I'm an overnight success, 20 years in the making.”

“Stand up ultimately becomes a comfort zone, doesn't it? And even though people think it's brave and all that, it just becomes a regular Tuesday.”