Chris Gethard

“I think Carmen Christopher is going to be massively huge. He's just too funny. He's got funny in his bones, and he wants to conquer every room.”

“New Yorkers will be rude, but at least they do so out of the rationale that everyone around them is always slowing them down. Los Angeles, I learned, is a city full of people who have the personality of the coolest pretty boy from your eighth-grade class.”

“I'm very happy with my decision to go sober. It's helped my life. It's helped my mental stability.”

“I take medications every morning and night - they're my breakfast, and they're my dessert. I love them.”

“I'm not exactly Don Draper when it comes to physical attractiveness.”

“The street I lived on for the first handful of years of my life was lined with modest, lower-middle-class houses with small front yards and cracked driveways - your typical North Jersey neighborhood, with all the odd hidden darkness that that implies.”

“In 2010, I was the star of a sitcom. It came and went pretty fast. But in the months from when I was cast in the sitcom through when it was done airing, my life did change remarkably.”

“Public transportation is like a magnifying glass that shows you civilization up close.”

“I've taught people in improv classes, then watched them move to Los Angeles to become Emmy winners and movie stars. That experience, for anyone wondering, is both super exciting and also makes you put a microscope on your own life choices. It causes you to question why you still perform stand-up in so many Brooklyn basements.”

“I've always been really open onstage.”

“You don't often see vulnerability on TV, especially talk shows.”

“Bits are fake conversations comedians have because they are uncomfortable being vulnerable with other human beings in any way.”

“West Orange, where I grew up, is the hometown of Ian Ziering from 'Beverly Hills, 90210,' Scott Wolf from 'Party of Five,' David Cassidy from the 'Partridge Family,' and Mike Pitt of 'Boardwalk Empire' and 'Dawson's Creek.'”

“Northern New Jersey looks like a cluster of idyllic suburbs, but each of those seemingly normal towns has a dark side that's constantly gossiped about but never publicly acknowledged. They seem to thrive on their strangenesses.”

“Even though I live in New York, I still have this Jersey thing where I feel like I have to prove myself. I'm grateful for any chance I get to be the least talented person in the room, because it'll make me work that much harder.”

“As a stand-up, as a storyteller, as an improviser, I've done thousands of shows. They allow me to work out new material that might turn into something later. They let me keep my muscles sharp for when the rent-paying gigs do come along. They keep me sane.”

“Both creatively and organizationally, being medicated has helped me immensely.”

“Having money didn't make me less of a socially incapable loser; it just made me a socially incapable loser who wasn't in debt.”

“Cops are everywhere in New York City. Cars drive by every few minutes. Uniforms stand nonchalantly at street corners.”

“When my TV show was in production, dozens of women asked me out on Facebook. Some were shy about it; some were blatant. Some I knew, some were total strangers. But they went for it.”