Bruce Vilanch

“Every single line on the Oscar show is negotiated. Unless you've been there, you have no idea how it is put together. It's like nothing else on earth. I'm writing a book about it, but I have to throw in my sexual escapades to make sure it sells.”

“Who knew we had all this O.C.D. in the world? Well actually, I suppose it's pretty obvious. It explains Sudoku, doesn't it?”

“They make a humongous profit, but the people that work on the shows don't get paid a lot because they're working on the Oscars show. It's the biggest show in the world.”

“Musicals have clearly gotten more physical. You never saw Ethel Merman doing step aerobics.”

“What makes me laugh? Richard Nixon always made me laugh.”