Brian Spellman

“An apple a day feeds the tapeworm to stay.”

“If the mind fits, shrink it.”

“A bind is when you're quadriplegic, suicidal about that and unable to persuade your best friend to murder you.”

“Billions of years before twelve step groups, God committed shotgun suicide. Today wall scrapings share His gratitude stories.”

“Fifty percent of life is ninety percent indecisive. The rest is confusing.”

“Babies are never suicidal. Hard lives, not hard boiled eggs do that.”

“If you only go around once in life, then why has that one gone around more than once?”

“There is a meaning of life but I've been sworn to secrecy.”

“It's not how I take tragic news but how I make tragic views that unscrews me.”

“Psychosis is person less persona, raving sincerity.”

“All porn stars on Animal Farm are equal but some porn scenes are more unequal than others.”

“I love objectivity when mine.”

“The brain is unreliable. It relies on lies.”

“Months after my wrists ripping, a talk therapist referred to the act as self-hatred. Until then nobody had said this to me. Did everyone presume that I already knew so? People say it all the time. It’s safer to draw this conclusion. Throw in cowardice and you have an insulated public. I was not enraged at all. I was panic stricken. How could I hate myself for wanting to stop such physical sickness and terror? Mine was an act of caretaking, compassion, love. You cannot share this insight with therapists because they think such encourages recurrence. Have you ever stopped diarrhea with a prayer? If you have to go, you go. If you have to die, you die.”

“I've been coerced into free will.”

“Kindness knows no kind.”

“I learned to smile, avoiding happiness advice.”

“Dad got furious when we lied to him. No, Dad got furious then we lied to him.”

“When all seems hopeless, cross your fingers and stick with the secular prayer.”

“I overreacted to praise, signing an autograph. I'd write a check to buy it back.”