Bob Newhart

“Jack Benny was, without a doubt, the bravest comedian I have ever seen work. He wasn't afraid of silence. He would take as long as it took to tell the story.”

“I worked in accounting for two and a half years, realized that wasn't what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, and decided I was just going to give comedy a try.”

“I was an accountant in Chicago, and a friend of mine, Ed Gallagher, was in advertising. At 4:30 every day I'd be bored, and I would call him. He'd interview me.”

“One time I happened to use the word 'denigrate' onstage, and it didn't get any reaction. So as I continued my act, the left side of my brain was fast-forwarding to see if I had any other big words coming up.”

“You shouldn't get too close to the truth, because then maybe you stop being funny.”

“Probably the best advice I ever got in my life was from the head of the accounting department, Mr. Hutchinson, I believe at the Glidden Company in Chicago, and he told me, 'You really aren't cut out for accounting.'”

“I just made the decision that I was going to try comedy, and if didn't work, then I knew it didn't work. Then I would go back and do whatever. But at least I wouldn't torture myself the rest of my life, wondering whatever would have happened.”

“I just don't think most people put myself and Robert Frost in the same category.”

“I always stayed away from political commentary. First of all, I didn't feel entitled. What I may feel about a candidate, I'm a comedian. I mean, if people like my comedy, that doesn't mean they should vote for the person I like. That's why I always kind of stayed away from endorsements.”

“I'm not a classically trained actor. I'm not a product of Stavlovski method or anything like that.”

“Richard Pryor introduced me to the world of the inner city, and the urban world, and did it hysterically. My favorite comedian, even though we work 180 degrees differently, but funny is funny is funny.”

“I don't have a stack of scripts.”

“I don't have a stack of scripts that, when I get home, studios are clamoring, saying, 'Has Bob read ours yet?'”

“The schizophrenic has no sense of humor. His world is a constantly daunting, unfriendly place.”

“When I started out in 1960, I thought it might possibly last a couple of years. I never expected it to last 42. I take great satisfaction in that longevity.”

“I don't know how doctors pick one specialty over another. Some you can understand. Pediatricians. Or gynecologists delivering babies, bringing a new life into the world, but how does someone want to be a proctologist? How can you fall in love with proctology?”

“When you're going for a joke, you're stuck out there if it doesn't work. There's nowhere to go. You've done the drum role and the cymbal clash and you're out on the end of the plank.”

“I don't want to sound like the old guy, but cynicism is a potential danger. It colors our way of looking at the world.”

“Dick Martin, if you put a gun to his forehead, he couldn't tell you a joke.”

“I think one reason for a successful marriage is laughter. I think laughter gets you through the rough moments in a marriage.”