Bob Einstein

“You can't do everything I did for all those years and not sustain some injuries.”

“I had no ambition to go into show business when I was growing up. I started out as an advertising copywriter and evolved into it. Once you get into it, however, it's very difficult to get out. It gets into your blood. You don't want to do anything else. You want that excitement.”

“I deal out of a reality that isn't real. I'm sorry. I don't know what that means. I don't really know what I do.”

“I don't like to see animals get hurt.”

“Laurel and Hardy have this love relationship. Why? This little Englishman screwed Hardy up, physically, every day of his life! Why is he with him the next day? It's forgiving.”

“It's hard to do a variety show. It's hard to do all that small talk and make it sound real.”

“I loved humor. I had that in me.”

“I think what's hysterically funny is a guy who sets himself up as the most confident, everything's-perfect, know-it-all, things-are-swell human being and then gets wiped out every time.”

“I can see humor in almost anything.”

“Instead of eating, I do Botox. I have about 1,100 pounds of Botox all over my body. It's a body Botox and if it ever cracks, I'm in trouble.”

“I came up with the idea of a daredevil who's going to go upside down, in a metal car, at 90 mph, and it's never been done before. I get into this metal car, I'm strapped in. You pull back, and it's a roller coaster at Magic Mountain, with kids and nuns and everything else! I pass out while everybody else is having a wonderful time.”

“It always tickles me to think of the meetings Super Dave has after every show.”

“I love Marty Funkhouser - but what is he?”

“When you have a star, he becomes the focus of a variety show, and he has to take himself seriously. But with Super Dave, it's all phony anyway.”

“The whole character of Super Dave is a takeoff on people who pontificate. So one thing I never want to do is pontificate why this works, why this is funny. I have no idea what the appeal is. All we are trying to do is make people have a good time and laugh.”