Ben Mitchell

“No religion can fully accept another religion, that’s the one belief all religions share”

“Losing your virginity is a lot like when you find out that Santa doesn’t exist… First you’re slightly disappointed, and then you’re happy because you’re in on the secret”

“I hope I can never trust my wife. If I trust her it means I know her. If I know her it means I understand her. If I understand her it means I can control her, and if I can control her it would make her boring and uninteresting… Dear god I hope I can never trust my wife…”

“How fickle is my young male heart as it avidly jumps from love to love”

“My greatest strength is an unfocused mind. This is because while you are all thinking of one idea, I’m thinking of five different ideas. My greatest weakness however is an unfocused mind. This is because while I’m supposed to be thinking about one thing, I’m actually thinking of five other things.”

“Hating Britain is a fundamental part of being British”

“My limits know me well enough to stay out of my way.”

“I wouldn’t have minded school if they taught you important things like how to have good sex and what brand of wine is the best… But for some reason they were hell bent on teaching me algebra”

“The other day, a friend of a friend said that everyone started out as girls, but boys evolved… But don’t worry girls, I hit him.”

“You could say I’m so manly I don’t even allow manly stereotypes to influence my actions”