Ben Elton

“I see dull people as projects ... to be reformed”

“If I did things for the money, I'd have done adverts in the 1980s, when I was hot enough to be offered them, and 'Police Academy 6,' which I was asked to write.”

“To positively discriminate in favour of groups that have been negatively discriminated against in the past.”

“People in that crowd want to make poverty history, but NOT if they have to pay for it themselves”

“I'm easy to work with, not a pushover, but I respond to criticism and find it inspiring.”

“Any closer would unravel her mystery, the very thing which made her so truly beautiful...It was her mystery that he adored. He was in love with everything that he did not know about her... No real sexual encounter could ever match the secret one that he could nurture in his imagination... No living flesh could ever be the erotic equal of flesh kept private, untouchable and unknowable”

“There are lots of things I could have done for the money, but I've made a great living doing the things I want to do.”

“No collection of people who are all waiting for the same thing are capable of holding a natural conversation. Even if the thing they are waiting for is only a taxi.”

“The worst thing about being a great power is when you're not one any more. It takes centuries to get over it.”

“Books are the key. A book cannot be accessed from afar. You have to hold it, you have to read it.”

“They were the Saturday Club, a secret society of which only the four of them were aware and which none other could join.”

“This calls for a very special blend of psychology and extreme violence.”

“Yes, OK, farty is a silly word. I wish I'd never used it. I'm 34. Perhaps it was a word for my 20s.”