A biography for Art Buchwaldhasn’t been written yet.
“The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.”
“I worship the quicksand he walks in.”
“I've known Don since he came to Washington. When he first came to work for George W. Bush, he was a different Don Rumsfeld. He was jolly, full of life, and ready to go to war, but only if we could win.”
“I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.”
“I was put on earth to make people laugh.”
“I found out I'd spent my whole life believing things that weren't necessarily accurate. My sisters' memories of certain events are entirely different from mine.”
“So far things are going my way. I am known in the hospice as The Man Who Wouldn't Die. I don't know if this is true or not, but I think some people, not many, are starting to wonder why I'm still around.”
“Every time you think television has hit its lowest ebb, a new program comes along to make you wonder where you thought the ebb was.”
“The Marine Corps was the first father figure I had ever known.”
“Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.”
“It is one thing to choose to go into a hospice; it's another thing to get on the air and tell everybody about it.”
“Television has a real problem. They have no page two.”
“Being in the hospice didn't work out exactly the way I had expected. By all rights, I should have finished my time here in mid-March 2006 - at least, that's when Medicare stopped paying.”
“The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.”
“A bad liver is to a Frenchman what a nervous breakdown is to an American. Everyone has had one and everyone wants to talk about it.”
“Becoming eighty is a matter of life or death. I chose life. It is a much better position to be in, and it's easier on your back.”
“Unless they've had some experience with it, the hospice is still a mystery to most people. Because hospice deals with death, people tend not to talk about it.”
“If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.”
“Have you ever seen a candidate talking to a rich person on television?”
“Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.”