Ari Shaffir

“To me, every time it goes badly I see it as a good thing - because that means I'm one step closer to where I want to be.”

“No astronauts look like George Clooney.”

“I'm not as much a fan of the venues as I am the comics who inhabit them. I don't care if it's a bomb shelter, a bus, or a theater, if I'm watching somebody who makes me laugh, I'm down.”

“Marc Maron yells at people. I have a memory of him yelling at Jonah Ray from offstage about something he was saying, just fun stuff.”

“The only threat is a growing pushback from militant liberals who seek to destroy free expression as they look to limit the speech of anyone who has feelings they find objectionable. It makes comics tentative to push boundaries and freely talk about the thoughts in their heads. That part is terrible for development.”

“Bill Burr, Freddy Soto, Joe Rogan, Tom Segura... those people influenced me a lot more than any of the older guys like Richard Pryor.”

“I've fallen asleep at red lights before. Not like passed out, but like I've put the parking break on and reclined my seat and taken a nap.”

“If you like a conversational style of comedy, if you like comedy that's a little dangerous, I'm your guy.”

“I'm a bit of an introvert, so after talking for an hour and then shaking hands and taking pictures with the people who came out, I kind of need to be alone for a bit to get away from all stimuli.”

“I hate being rejected.”

“I definitely recommend keeping frozen corn dogs in your freezer.”

“If I focus solely on developing new material, then I can get a new 45 minute to an hour in about six months. Then I'll work on it and work on it and can make it killer within another six months or so.”

“The Comedy Store is my home!”

“I don't vote and I don't follow who's trying to rule us. The revolution is coming. Until then, I'll just watch 'Game of Thrones.'”

“People get mad at bad comedy. Way more mad than at bad novels.”

“I was on the outside of the industry. So I started a podcast early in the podcast boom and that caught on a little. I made an album that went to No. 1 on the iTunes charts. I made my own special. I started my own storytelling show.”

“Once I started getting more successful, I just stopped caring completely - 'I'll just do exactly what I want. It doesn't matter.'”

“I want to do a travel book.”

“As long as you have your own apartment and you can pretty much make rent for the next year, you're golden!”

“I have a running daydream about winning an Oscar and giving my speech about how ridiculous it is to rank art. And then I'd call them all sycophants and leave the statue at the podium as I walked away.”