Anthony Shaffer (writer)

“{{smallcaps|Andrew}}: Now, the shortest way to a man's heart is humiliation. You soon find out what he's made of.”

“{{smallcaps|Doppler}}: You seem to regard marriage as a game, sir. {{smallcaps|Andrew}}: Not marriage, Inspector. Sex. Sex is the game with marriage the penalty.”

“{{smallcaps|Milo}}: You have to be serious if you want to be in love. {{smallcaps|Andrew}}: You have to be serious about crime if you want to afford to be in love.”

“{{smallcaps|Andrew}}: Supposing someone saw you climbing in? {{smallcaps|Milo}}: Who? You're not overlooked. {{smallcaps|Andrew}}: Who knows? A dallying couple. A passing sheep rapist.”

“{{smallcaps|Milo}}: You must be joking. {{smallcaps|Andrew}}: You would know it if I were.”

“{{smallcaps|Milo}}: So she's used to luxury. Whose fault is that? {{smallcaps|Andrew}}: It's not a fault if you can afford it. But can you?”

“{{smallcaps|Milo}}: I hear she's a scrubbed blonde with all the sex appeal of chilled Dettol. {{smallcaps|Andrew}}: (with dignity) There are those who believe that cleanliness is next to sexiness.”

“{{smallcaps|Milo}}: You were disparaging my lover. {{smallcaps|Andrew}}: On the contrary, I was reminiscing about my wife. {{smallcaps|Milo}}: It comes to the same thing. {{smallcaps|Andrew}}: Things mostly do, you know.”

“Christmas sits like a black hole on the calendar, and the other holidays implied by "happy holidays"—Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Boxing Day, New Year's Day, etc.—are powerless to be drawn in by its force.”

“Celebrating Christmas without subscribing to Christianity is like watching the Super Bowl without having watched a single regular-season football game all year. Some people watch the Super Bowl exclusively for the commercials; others watch it for the halftime show.”